Celebrate Life ...

 Two nights in the Williamsburg Christian Retreat then over to our campground for the month of April. Hard to wrap my head around it being April already. Williamsburg Spring and Fall is our stop on the way south and then again on our way back home for the summer months. So many memories there of the kids being young and then with Aunt Julia when she would travel with us and finally with Sheilagh and Dean.

We got our favorite site, met up with some friends and now set up and settled in until the end of the month. Kept the weekend quiet just hung out around the campground. Tomorrow grocery shopping and going to swing around town and reminisce. Memories around every corner. Have to hang on to them as long as we can. Kids grow up and before you know it they aren't kids anymore...they have lives, homes and kids of their own and you become irrelevant. Memories make you smile and memories make you cry...

Thoughts of my sister never leave my mind. It's hard emotionally knowing she's no longer here on earth. I'm sad but I know where she is and I know she would not want to be living here just to be alive, that's not living. Memories flooding my mind. Mayberry Days, we were planning to go back when she was feeling better. Williamsburg, we were planning on meeting up there again and next time we were going to spend more time in town. She's the reason why I know I will see her again one day. We will not be able to travel to Indiana for her Celebration of Life service. Had the date remained the end of May we would have been there but it just isn't possible early in April. 

It's just my brother and me now... have to hug a lot, make sure we say I love you till it's weird... together we'll share memories, drink wine and celebrate; till the end we'll celebrate. 

Celebrate this life...❤

She's Good Now...

My heart is crying...I thought I was prepared, I thought I was ready to say goodbye. I try to rationalize, my prayers are answered, no more suffering, no more pain, no more tears... 

You can never prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one... I lost my sister! I don't have my sister anymore... My sister, she's gone now. No more pain, no more suffering. She's good now,

 I'm not 😭

Grief

 Grief is Like Carrying a Stone in Your Pocket

“The best way I can describe grief as the years go by is to say it’s similar to carrying a stone in your pocket. When you walk, the stone brushes against your skin. You feel it. You always feel it. But depending on the way you stand or the way your body moves, the smooth edges might barely graze your body. Sometimes you lean the wrong way or you turn too quickly and a sharp edge pokes you. Your eyes water and you rub your wound but you have to keep going because not everyone knows about your stone, or if they do, they don’t realize it can still bring this much pain. There are days you are simply happy now, smiling comes easy and you laugh without thinking. You slap your leg during that laughter and you feel your stone and aren’t sure whether you should be laughing still. The stone still hurts. Once in a while you can’t take your hand off that stone. You run it over your fingers and roll it in your palm and are so preoccupied by its weight, you forget things like your car keys and home address. You try to leave it alone but you just can’t. You want to take a nap but it’s been so many years since you’ve called in “sad” you’re not sure anyone would understand anymore or if they ever did. But most days you can take your hand in and out of your pocket, feel your stone and even smile at its unwavering presence. You’ve accepted this stone as your own, crossing your hands over it, saying “mine” as children do. You rest more peacefully than you once did, you’ve learned to move forward the best you can. Some days you want to show the world what a beautiful memory you’re holding. But most days you twirl it through your fingers, smile and look to the sky. You squeeze your hands together and hope you are living in a way that honors the missing piece you carry, until your arms are full again. ~Jessica Watson

Breaking Down! Breaking it down...

 Today on September 1, 2021

What a Friend I have in Jesus,  many times feels like the only friend.

He bears ALL my sins and griefs,  heartache as well!
What a privilege it is to have a friend indeed, to share everything with, and pray... 
The peace I forfeit, the pain I bear when I can't share...but I can always pray...

When the trials, the temptations, the trouble is EVERYWHERE;
the discouragement is real when I can't share... but I always have prayer...
I find the friend, the only friend whom my sorrows share...
Jesus knows I'm weak, my heart is heavy and I deeply care; so I have prayer...

He is my refuge, He is my strength;  so I pray...
Do your friends question you, has your family turned their back?  Just pray...

In His arms He'll take and shield me; I will find solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all my burdens bear,
I  will forever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.

Soon, on the other side of glory, there will be no need for prayer;
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be my sweet portion there!

What A Friend...

 So, today is September 1st. My heart is heavy, my explanation is valid but no one  cares to know why. I'm learning to take my cares to the Lord in prayer...

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He'll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

Nothing Really Matters To Me…

 Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see,
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
Little high, little low,
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to
Me, to me

Mamaaa,
Just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger,
Now he's dead
Mamaaa, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, oooh,
Didn't mean to make you cry,
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all
The time
Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, oooh
I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango!

Thunderbolts and lightning, very, very frightening me
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Figaro - magnificoo

I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go
(Let me go)(Never) Never let you go
(Let me go) (Never) let you go (Let me go) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia, let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me,
For meee

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the wind blows...

Heart to Heart

 My heart is conflicted. What do you say when your heart says go but your head says no? Recently I’ve been reminded that discernment is a gift but wisdom is a choice. There is so much I need to say but does biting my tongue make way for God to work or will I regret keeping my mouth shut? Past experience has been more like, throw discernment and wisdom out the window and make the regrettable choice. I'm accepting the fact that sometimes God gives parents the discernment to impart the wisdom and then we need to step away from the situation and watch them choose to soar over the mountain tops or possibly leap right off the cliff.  

From my heart to yours...I discern the proverbial cliff up ahead. I pray for God to light your path, keep your feet on solid ground, keep your eyes open wide, make wise choices and remember the valley below. You know it well, you've been there before. You're beautiful, smart, discerning and wise; you'll choose to soar or you'll choose to circle the mountain one more time.  I pray you soar.